The comments on this topic so far have been thoughtful, heartfelt and from an interesting array of people. Thank you for providing respectful and clear dialogue. It has been both helpful and refreshing to me.
Now let me re-frame things a bit. Originally the email I shared from my friend was not commenting on church services per se. It was commenting more specifically on his impressions of Christians in their interactions with non-Christians. His frustration was with in his experience that, "too many active Christians feel that it is of the utmost importance
to have this ‘bright shiny face’ and this ‘I drank the Kool-Aid’
In other words, the problem is not that people are turned off by church services they don't like--they're turned off by Christians they don't like.
In my friends terminology, the marketing that is expressed via the lives of Christians is not very attractive. Now certainly that is a church problem. But not one primarily focused on whether a non-Christian likes the church's worship services. The bulk of the problem is a pastoral one--what are people being taught and led to value in the church community and then subsequently exhibit through their lives.
Also, as my friend suggests, it is partly a "programming" issue. In other words, when the church does make an invitation to the community to attend something, is that 'something' a something that speaks humbly, authentically and addresses a real need with a compassionate voice.
The reason this is important is because, as my friend has quietly pointed out in his several emails (some that I haven't shared), the biggest issue at stake here is not the Church--it's Jesus. And Jesus encounters people not primarily through corporate church gatherings but through the lives of Christians who embody Jesus' grace and truth in their daily lives by expressing care and friendship to their neighbors be they Christian or not.