Sunday night at Shift we're having our final preview service @ 7:30pm. (We begin weekly gatherings the first Sunday in April.) During the preview services we've been doing a series called Straight Talk on Singleness, Sex and Marriage.
To finish this series I'll be talking about facing singleness and marriage without wimping out. I have a growing conviction that much of what underlies our generations mishandling of singleness, sex and marriage is an unwillingness or fear of growing up--particularly boys growing up into men.
Peter Pan is alive and well--he just forgot to wear his green tights...
Kay Hymowitz wrote a laser-cutting article delving into the lingering boyhood of young men in City Journal. She spares no words and I think she is painfully right.
...Meet the twenty-first-century you, also 26. You’ve finished college and work in a cubicle in a large Chicago financial-services firm. You live in an apartment with a few single guy friends. In your spare time, you play basketball with your buddies, download the latest indie songs from iTunes, have some fun with the Xbox 360, take a leisurely shower, massage some product into your hair and face—and then it’s off to bars and parties, where you meet, and often bed, girls of widely varied hues and sizes. They come from everywhere: California, Tokyo, Alaska, Australia. Wife? Kids? House? Are you kidding?
Not so long ago, the average mid-twentysomething had achieved most of adulthood’s milestones—high school degree, financial independence, marriage, and children. These days, he lingers—happily—in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. Decades in unfolding, this limbo may not seem like news to many, but in fact it is to the early twenty-first century what adolescence was to the early twentieth: a momentous sociological development of profound economic and cultural import. Some call this new period “emerging adulthood,” others “extended adolescence”; David Brooks recently took a stab with the “Odyssey Years,” a “decade of wandering.”
...But while we grapple with the name, it’s time to state what is now obvious to legions of frustrated young women: the limbo doesn’t bring out the best in young men. With women, you could argue that adulthood is in fact emergent. Single women in their twenties and early thirties are joining an international New Girl Order, hyperachieving in both school and an increasingly female-friendly workplace, while packing leisure hours with shopping, traveling, and dining with friends. Single Young Males, or SYMs, by contrast, often seem to hang out in a playground of drinking, hooking up, playing Halo 3, and, in many cases, underachieving. With them, adulthood looks as though it’s receding.
This generation needs boys who pursue manhood, men who help them get there, and young women who demand manhood and the commitment of marriage before giving away the sacred privileges of sex.
Good insights. Certain cultures have initiation rights or ceremonies from childhood to manhood. Maybe because we didn't give people a date with tasks to complete by that date, then procrastination has taken hold.
Also, you hit a point with your green tights comment. Think of our superhereos. Batman (armored at least), Spiderman, Flash, Fantastic Four, etc. They all wear tights. I understand that loose clothing can get caught in machinery (think of the cape examples from The Incredibles), but our heroes wear tights. Has that affected our manhood, or do we all need to start wearing tights as part of our manhood?
Posted by: Brian | February 27, 2008 at 12:07 PM
I vote for all the pastors in tights for next year's Christmas photo! Hee!
Posted by: Mo | February 27, 2008 at 07:19 PM
"Choncho, sometimes, when you are a man, you have to wear your stretchy pants..."
Posted by: Kevin | February 27, 2008 at 09:03 PM
I don't think I can contribute to this conversation chain??!?!
Posted by: Steph | February 28, 2008 at 02:00 PM
i don't understand ur comment kevin... too much info about pan..peter pan grew up but if i remember when he was older he wasn't such a good person in a movie. yet , when he went back he remember how it was to be a kid. with william robin. but if ur talking about the animation yeah they are too childish. but sometimes when u grow older u lose your self in working u forget what is import ur family even if ur not lokin for manhood. i ask u ur self kevin ur happy and what makes u happy...ur answer God. ... and i guess family. the whole point in this life is not if ur marry or have kids i think is finding God.
Posted by: MARIO | February 28, 2008 at 02:59 PM
Mario, welcome to the blog. Glad to have your participation. The imagery of Peter Pan syndrome refers to the negative consequences of a boy who refuses to take on the responsibilities of a man at the time when it is right for him. That is the thrust of my comments. However, retaining the wonder and joy of life like a child is definitely something I highly value. Two separate issues. No illustration is perfect; there are always limits to what an illustration will accomplish. Thanks again for participating in the conversation.
Posted by: Kevin | February 28, 2008 at 03:29 PM