Listening

I took my son to a friend's house this afternoon.  On the way I asked him, "what could I stop doing or start doing to be a better dad."  My thoughtful son pondered that for a bit.  Then he answered, "well, sometimes when I start to answer you you stop me and don't let me finish and you say something different than what I was trying to say and you don't let me finish." 

<Cue the gut punch.>

His eyes welled up with tears as he told me.  It broke my heart.  Stink.  "I'm really sorry Tyce.  I know I do that to both you and Jaley.  I can tell that really hurts you and I'm really sorry.  I'm going to talk to mom about helping me deal with that.  I need to do a lot better in letting you say what you mean without jumping to conclusions and assuming I know everything." 

Pretty sure I'm going to do it again--cut my son off, assume I know what's going on, trample on his thoughts--but it will sting more next time because I'll remember the respectful and tearful way my son told me that I should stop. 

Hey dads, give your kids a chance to tell you how you're doing.  I think it may just make you a better dad.  Hope it makes me a better one... eventually.

Comments

[Maggie]

I felt a great need to reply to this. I found your blog by accident a few months back and look at it periodically. But I look at it today for some reason.

This doesnt just go for dads but also for husbands, wives, siblings, everyone really. I know Im guilt of not really listening and making assumptions. I have to say bless you for this post because this was exactly what my husband said I was doing. Yep, gut punch.

[Kevin]

Maggie, you sound like a great mom--the kind who wants to keep growing. Thanks for commenting with such transparency.